rationalizing myself back to sanity
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| Zionide rationalizing myself back to sanity |
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Thursday, February 26, 2004 Movin' On Up I've moved! You should be re-directed shortly. Please update any bookmarks/links/blogrolls to the new pad. posted by Nick | 12:34 AM | Friday, February 20, 2004 Well, we're back from Vegas. We had a great time, from what I can remember. I was tipsy for about 25% of the time, so it was obviously very successful. I had my one year blogging anniversary yesterday. I actually set everything up at the end of January, 2003, but I didn't start posting regularly until mid-Februrary, so that's the day that counts. I decided to commemorate the event with some changes around here, but they, as is typical, will take several days to appear. In the meantime, I probably won't be posting much, if at all, while I get everything done. Don't worry, I'll be back. I hope it'll be worth it. Earlier today I learned that two of my potential future career paths pretty much flew right out the window, never to return. Neither was directly TV-related, but both were media-related, and I'm pretty disappointed. I'd kind of been banking on one of the two to work out, and since both blew up on the same day, I'm back at square one. I'm slightly responsible for both not working out, but it was completely inadvertant. Fortunately, being unemployed is not yet much of a financial problem; I'm still getting by just fine. Those two possibilities were much more about doing something I enjoyed and found fulfilling than they were about the money. I've always said if you do the job that makes you happy, the money will eventually follow. Note the emphasis on "eventually." Overall, it was a shitty day, I guess. Good thing my cute boyfriend cheered me up, though he doesn't even know what happened yet. That's the best part, really. He cheered me up without even trying. The only other good thing about today is I discovered that Jeff is back! It's been a month and I didn't even know it. Now somebody just needs to convince Aaron to come back too and I'll be a completely happy boy. I don't think it's gonna happen though. His domain even expired. :( At least nobody else has stopped since I last whined about disappearing bloggers, and I'm hopeful about the relatively recent movement from Tim and over at Let Me Get This Straight. Keep your fingers crossed . . . posted by Nick | 11:02 PM | Sunday, February 15, 2004 Tomorrow Patrick & I are off to Las Vegas with a couple friends for a few days away from everything. We'll probably be back at the end of the week. Vegas isn't exactly the best place to get away from it all, but this trip has been planned for a while and it's cheap and relatively nearby. Vegas is such trashy, awful fun. We always have a damn good time, but I can only take three or four days of it before I've got to come home and cleanse myself, and I can usually only handle that once every year. Any more frequently and I'm afraid I'll begin to lose what little good taste I have, and start thinking that mirrored ceilings, red velvet walls, and naugahyde furniture are the epitome of high fashion. This is my second trip in the last year. What do you think that means? Patrick's gonna love the new ceiling in my bedroom. posted by Nick | 12:19 AM | Friday, February 13, 2004 Apparently this kissing contest thing has struck a chord somewhere. I'm getting a hell of a lot of email about it, mostly positive but a couple like the Judas one. This one takes the cake though: I suggest you give up writing entirely. You have no gift for it. True or not, people can sure be mean. posted by Nick | 2:32 PM | I've been thinking a lot about the Judas email and I finally responded. Maybe I'm just rationalizing my actions after the fact, but here it is: [Name Removed], Thanks for the email. Just so you know, I did not make the decision hastily. I spoke to a lawyer, a good friend who works at the Human Rights Campaign, and several other friends, just to make sure this was the best option available. Given the amount of media attention we've received because of this, I'm surprised you think I could have brought more visibility to discrimination in Utah by actually entering the contest. Since I couldn't legally be prevented from entering the contest, there were only three possible outcomes to the situation with which I was presented when I tried to enter: 1) We enter, and lose, receiving no tickets and no media attention. 2) We enter, and win, receiving 2 tickets and a decent amount of media attention, especially as a same-sex couple and especially from the gay press. 3) We accept the "bribe," receive 6 tickets, and bring a substantial amount of attention to the situation because of the unequal treatment. Obviously, attention from the first option is minor: the 40+ or so people at the mall see two men kissing in public with 11 other (heterosexual) couples. The second option is great. However, attention drawn to the situation by us winning would be relatively short-lived, though likely positive. The main problem is that option 2 isn't a very likely outcome because of the nature of such contests. I didn't really think we'd win; the odds weren't good enough with 11 other couples. Plus, I wouldn't put it past the radio station to judge inaccurately and declare our kiss broken somehow, just so they didn't have a same-sex couple win. Sure, I option 3 guaranteed me free tickets. I'd be stupid to deny that played a part in my decision. But that option is also the most likely to generate media coverage and attention. How could I have better drawn attention "to the inequities of Utah"? The radio station was allowing me to enter, though begrudgingly. If I'd entered, I would have become an equal participant with the rest. Only by accepting the bribe, and accepting the inequality, did I have a reason to contact the media . . . and thereby draw attention to the situation. The only thing lost is not making a point to the STAR staff and the people watching, but I think the media attention was a more-than-worthwhile trade-off. The bribe aspect is where the news story was, especially to a mainstream press. That's what got people talking. There would have been no story, no way to get media attention, if I'd just entered, winning the contest or not. Patrick & I are certainly not the first same-sex couple to enter a kissing contest - that in itself is just not newsworthy. Even if we'd won, I doubt there would have been coverage in the Salt Lake Tribune or on X96. This was a win-win, for me and for media attention. Regardless, thanks for your opinion. Nick posted by Nick | 12:36 AM | Thursday, February 12, 2004 I got the following email today: Subject: Jesus and Judas Nick, I must be honest here. I hope you and your friends REALLY enjoy the concerts. But I personally feel like you're a Judas copping for 30 pieces of Silver. You passed up a wonderful opportunity to draw attention to the inequities in Utah. Yeah, it would have caused a scene, but so did Rosa Parks in Montgomery, Alabama. I know it takes courage, and it's easy for someone to sit back from a distance and criticize, but did you really consider ALL of the possible advantages your actions could have brought in the way of visibility and in shining a bright light on discrimination in Utah? [Name Removed] Ouch. posted by Nick | 7:35 PM | Wednesday, February 11, 2004 Today's Salt Lake Tribune Rolly & Wells column includes this: Bribe Keeps Gays Out of Kiss Contest A kissing contest at Murray's Fashion Place Mall on Friday night could have become controversial had a local radio station not been savvy in the art of the bribe. To the dismay of Star 102.7 (KQMB-FM), two men wanted to enter the "Lip-Lockin' for McLachlan" contest, in which couples competed in a kissing marathon to win front-row tickets to a Sarah McLachlan concert at the E Center. The station could not legally prevent them from entering the contest, and mall officials had no objection to them competing. But Star's program director Mickey Nelson told the men the station is "family friendly," and if they agreed not to participate, Nelson would give them six tickets to the McLachlan show. The men accepted the offer. The contest proceeded with 11 heterosexual couples. The winning couple locked lips without a break for an hour and three minutes, which apparently met Star's "family friendly" standards. Dammit, people! You know how much I love being referred to as "gays." Gay should only be an adjective, not a noun. Fuck Webster. It sounds stupid and condescending to say, "the gays." Can you imagine a newspaper printing a story about "the straights?" Anyway, funny how the newspaper story is just a wee bit different than what really happened. I never spoke to the program director (it's actually MIKEY Nelson, by the way), only Karli, the promotion director. Mikey Nelson wasn't even there when the "negotiation" took place. Plus, Karli was pretty clear at the time that the radio station had no problem - it was the mall, she said, which is the complete opposite of what the mall AND the radio station told the newspaper yesterday. My guess is Fashion Place threatened to pull all their radio advertising from Star if the mall took any bad publicity for the incident, so rather than lose a major client's revenue, Star sucked it up and took all the blame. Regardless, somebody lied, either to me on Friday or to the newspaper yesterday. Another local radio station, X96, nominated Star as a "Boner of the Day," for being so homophobic. Link to the nomination should be coming later tonight. Oh, and since Star IS taking the blame, feel free to email Mikey Nelson about his station's so-called "family-friendly" stance. posted by Nick | 4:26 PM | Tuesday, February 10, 2004 Patrick & I just got back from the Linkin Park Meteora concert, which also included Hoobastank, P.O.D., and Story of the Year. I know it's not exactly romantic, but it was an early Valentine's gift from me to Patrick because I knew he'd love it (don't ask me why he does) and he knows I hate it and would never go if it weren't some special occassion. But it's not like I'd ever send him there alone anyway, even if we were the only certifiably gay boys in the entire arena tonight. Some of those emo-type teen boys aren't above experimenting, and I'm not about to let them do it with my boyfriend. Even if they're cute and I can watch. Most of the crowd was young, white boys angry about . . . something. Or maybe nothing. Or maybe they were angry because they had nothing to be angry about. I don't know. I just don't get it. There were also young, lonely, white girls busy lusting after the young, angry, white boys. I do admit some of those young, angry, white boys were kinda cute, even if they were pretty much all jailbait. Maybe that's what draws Patrick . . . Anyway, Linkin Park was actually very good - they know how to put on a show. The other three were pretty much just loud, though Hoobastank had decent moments. P.O.D. and Story of the Year in particular made me feel old and out-of-it. All these high school kids are rocking out, moshing, crowd surfing to P.O.D. and the only thing I'm thinking is, "Gee, that's a nice font choice on the backdrop." The best thing I can say about Story of the Year is that their website tag is, ""Boobs are fucking epic," which I think is pretty funny, for some reason. That and in the online diary the lead singer announces that their guitar tech, Allan, is "one of the coolest homosexuals I've ever met" though, "He talks a lot, for a gay person." If someone - anyone - can explain to me what that means, please do. posted by Nick | 11:52 PM | Saturday, February 07, 2004 I can't really sleep because of a little situation that occurred last night, so I thought I might as well use the time . . . Patrick and I were planning to enter the Star 102.7 (KQMB-FM) "Lip-Lockin' for McLachlan" contest, where couples compete in a kissing marathon of sorts and the couple that lasts the longest without breaking the kiss wins front-row tickets to the Sarah McLachlan concert on July 19. I was a little apprehensive about two guys entering a kissing contest in Utah - especially one sponsored by a station owned by the LDS (Mormon) Church (through the church's Bonneville International division), but I knew that we had a right to enter. I'm a long-time Sarah McLachlan fan so I really wanted those seats, plus I thought it'd be pretty damn cool if a same-sex couple won that contest. The contest was held last night at Fashion Place Mall. When Patrick and I tried to register as contestants, I had the following exchange with the girl (Karli) who seemed to be in charge (whom I kind of know from when I was working at the TV station): Karli: You guys are here to enter the contest? Me: Yeah. She looked over at one of the other promotion people and back at us. Karli: Well . . . it's supposed to be male/female couples. Me: Why? Karli: Just . . . some contractual reasons, some legal reasons. Me: There are no legal reasons - I know that. She was quiet for a minute. Karli: You're right. I can't keep you from entering the contest if you want to do it . . . but is there anything I can give you to keep you from wanting to enter? Me: Like what? Karli: How about I just give you a pair of tickets? To compensate? Me: Front-row? Karli: Well, no, but they're pretty good. It's where I'll be sitting. Me: Honestly, I can get those seats on my own. It's front-row we're here for. Karli: What else can I give you? Do you want tickets to other shows coming up? Me: You know I can get those tickets too, if I want. It's front-row I can't get. Karli: Yeah . . . Me: Just explain to me why this is a problem. Karli: Look, you know it's not a problem for me personally, and I can promise you the radio station has no problem at all with the idea either. It's just that when we negotiated using the mall for this, Fashion Place asked us to . . . kind of discourage this situation from taking place. It's just . . . they're worried because they've got kids and families walking by and they just don't want anyone offended. I told her we'd think about it and be right back. Now, Patrick didn't really want to do this at all. It's just not his style. He's a shy guy, but he knew I really wanted tickets. Entering the contest with the 12 other couples didn't give us great odds of winning. Taking Karli up on her offer did at least guarantee us free tickets. But there was definitely a principle at stake here. I called friends to ask opinions (including a lawyer and a staff member at HRC in Washington, D.C.) and after chatting for a while we went back to the registration table. Me: Well, number one, if we can't sit front-row, we want to sit with our friends. And number two, which is a much bigger issue, I'm not comfortable letting you discriminate like this, so honestly I'm not sure what I want to do. Karli: I know, I absolutely sympathize. I'm trying to keep everybody happy here. If you really want to enter, go for it. I can't stop you from entering, and you know I personally don't really want to, but I have to do what the venue asked and try to get you to reconsider in exchange for some other compensation. Me: How about you give me 6 tickets so we can sit with our friends who are getting ready to stand in line tomorrow morning to buy tickets of their own? Karli: And then we're good? Me: Then we're good. Karli: Done. She was right, the tickets aren't front-row, but they're decent. It was a personal win since I got six $55.00 tickets for free, but it was definitely a loss in other ways, and I still have mixed feelings about not standing up for my (our) right to enter. But, it's done and we're going to the concert. I do want to emphasize that Karli seemed very nice and very upset she was in this position - she did everything she could to be of help. I doubt Star 102.7 was responsible for anything other than a very poor choice of venue. I am sending a letter to Fashion Place Mall, Star 102.7, Sarah McLachlan, and Arista & Nettwerk Records (McLachlan's labels), and I'm telling as many people as I can that Fashion Place Mall is not as gay-friendly as it should be. They're to blame for the discrimination and truly "offensive" behavior. On a more positive note, as we were getting ready to leave a random guy approached us. Guy: You guys know what's going on here? Me: Yeah . . . Guy: Well, see that girl over there, with the dark hair and turquoise shirt? I turned to see a cute girl, probably about 18, looking nonchalantly off into the distance, clearly avoiding looking our way. Me: Yeah, I see her. Guy: Want to be her partner for the contest? Stunned silence from me. Finally: Me: Whoa! That is so not what I expected to hear! Guy: Well, she specifically asked me to see if YOU would do it. At this point, our friend Darrell burst out laughing, and Patrick looked thoroughly amused. I, on the other hand, was busy stuttering and turning ghostly pale. Me: Uh . . . well . . . see, I'm here with HIM (grabbing Patrick's arm) and we just tried to enter and . . . it didn't really work out. Guy: Oooooooh, I get it! Okay, cool. Me: But . . . tell her thanks, and I'm flattered. It just probably wouldn't work. All in all, I can't say I'm unsatisfied with the way things turned out last night. I got free tickets and a little physical validation (much-needed lately), but I can't help but feel guilty for backing down. I had a chance to really make a point here, and I kind of chickened out. Now it just feels like I was selfish and wanted to get those tickets, rather than actually do something that, in some small way, could have made a difference. All I can see in my head is two guys sucking face among all these hetero couples and really kicking some ass. Ok, so I admit it's really not a bad image to be stuck with, but still . . . posted by Nick | 3:38 AM | Friday, February 06, 2004 Let's play catch-up! So, I resigned on Tuesday, January 6 and on Thursday of that week our station manager, whom I've NEVER gotten along with, scheduled an exit interview for one week later, on Thursday, January 15. Like I said before, my last day was agreed to be Tuesday the 20th. I was surprised he wanted that exit interview and that he had any concern about what I might have to say, but I was happy to have the opportunity to explain why I thought things just weren't moving in the right direction. I spent some time that first week preparing files, moving personal stuff home, and tying up some loose ends. I didn't do everything that week though because I had an entire week ahead to do the really big, important stuff. But when I went to work on Tuesday, January 13, nasty station manager called me into his office after lunch, handed me a check for the rest of January and told me that day would be my last day. No exit interview, no finishing up in-progress projects, nothing. Why the 180° change? I have no idea. No explanation, logic, or reasoning given. But it was entirely typical of the station, and a major reason why I was ready to move on. Make no mistake: Clear Channel Broadcasting is out to monopolize and they're bad, bad, bad. I still have the memos instructing me on what to say to the FCC, legislators, and the general public in regard to Clear Channel's bad name, and none of it is honest. It was a big shock to be shuffled out of there with no warning, and I had kind of a hard time adjusting. I've never really worked anywhere else; I graduated from high school and then started working there at the station. I just didn't know my adult life any other way, and even my identity as an adult was somewhat tied into my position and role there. So, the transition took some time, especially since I never got to mentally prepare for an exit - I was saving that for the final scheduled week. I think I'm over the whole thing by now, but I did need a little time away from everything that had become routine - including blogging - just to sit and think, alone, about what I want to happen next in my life. I had a lot of great, introspective time, and Patrick and I have been able to spend a lot of really nice quality time together, which has been amazing. I don't know what I would have done without him. I don't have any answers yet, but I don't expect them anytime soon. I'm freelancing a bit on projects here and there, but I'm financially OK for a while, so I'm just planning on having some fun without worrying about any definite plans or goals. I think I just need to float for a bit, let life wash over me, and see what comes up in the next few months. posted by Nick | 11:50 PM | Wednesday, January 28, 2004 Yes, I'm still here. Just very, very behind. You'd think being unemployed would mean more free time for things like blogging. That's what you get for thinking. :) We'll talk soon. I promise. posted by Nick | 11:58 PM | Monday, January 12, 2004 Friday's post now includes an "anonymous" comment consisting only of a link to a Salt Lake Tribune article titled Bloggers Risk Jobs Discussing Work Online. Gee, I wonder where that came from. posted by Nick | 8:06 PM | Friday, January 09, 2004 Alright, alright, here's yesterday's beauty as it was meant to be. See if you know the answers now. It's really not that tough. Maybe I should have offered a more compelling prize. posted by Nick | 11:03 PM | Thursday, January 08, 2004 Like he's in my head . . . Another shadow on the river floor, Another holy man who wanted more. Gone, gone - another gone . . . The river knew the song that drew the man; He knew the river knew the song, not him. Gone, gone - another gone . . . How many words that never found a home? How many needles with their heart of gold Run, run - then all is done. And all our whisper is what might have been - Another river song upon the wind. Gone, gone - another gone . . . Identify the lyricist, musician, AND subject of the above beauty and receive my endless admiration and respect. Unless you just Googled for it. Then you only get props for efficient internet use. posted by Nick | 11:58 PM | Tuesday, January 06, 2004 So I gave two weeks notice at work today. My last day will be January 20. Bye, bye TV land. No, I don't have another job. No, I'm not going back to school. I'm just not doing this anymore. I know it sounds totally stupid to quit without something else lined up, but it still feels like the right thing to do, despite the terror I am now feeling. Anxiety attack, here I come . . . Note: You Googlers looking for naked photos of gay Nate Berkus, click here. posted by Nick | 12:32 PM | |
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